Fic: Loneliness 1/1 rating pg no pairings - contains spoilers for Angel 5x12


Pairing: None
Disclaimer: It all belongs to Joss Whedon and Co.
Distribution: BTVS Inspiration, otherwise ask.
Notes: Response to challenge #43: A fic where Giles is lonely.
This is set right after Angel 5x12 "You're Welcome" (100th episode,
so if you have not seen it or read about it, please be warned that
this fic contains spoilers.
Feedback: Yes Please.






It was about four in the morning when Giles got the call from
L.A., he had not been expecting Wesley to call him for anything,
especially after Andrew had told him about his trip had gone. Giles
and Buffy had not wanted to play the hand that Angel had forced them
to, but they knew that Wolfram and Hart was not the place for an
insane Slayer. Even if it was being run by Angel and his gang. Giles
also knew that Buffy was worried that Angel was on a much darker path
that would end with the souled vampire becoming evil. But despite
that he knew that she still loved him. But Giles had never expected
anyone from Angel's team to call any of them so soon after Andrew had
been there. But he had appreciated the call from Giles. He could not
believe what the ex-watcher had to tell him. And by the end of the
phone call, both men had been crying. Giles felt that he had let them
all down again. He got up out of bed and walked into his kitchen and
poured himself a glass of scotch and started thinking about the old
times.
He remembered the first time that he had met Buffy and then
her friends, and although he was horrified that she would betray her
secret to so many people, he realized that those people had ended up
saving her life so many times that he had lost count. By the end of
his first summer in Sunnydale, he had come to love the kids and think
of them as his own childern. Right now, he would have given anything
just to have it like the old times with Buffy training, Willow
quietly researching something, and Cordelia and Xander bursting into
the library bearing donuts and Xander's cheerful voice calling out
for the G-man. He knew that Sunnydale and the Hellmouth were gone,
and there was no way to turn time, and it caused him to cry more. He
was so alone, and he missed his surrogate family. He had once had the
chance of having a real family with Olivia, and she had even become
pregnant, but Buffy had called and needed him. He had not wanted to
leave Olivia, but perhaps she was far wiser than him, as she had sent
him off. She had told him that their relationship was over and that
she would rather he left her and the child alone, afterall the child
needed stability and not some father who would have to run off
everytime the world needed saving. Giles had always thought it was
also because Olivia could not deal with the supernatural that was a
part of his world. So he had left with regret and returned to
Sunnydale.
It seemed to Giles as he sat in the darkness of his kitchen,
drinking the scotch, that his life was nothing more than a bunch of
regrets. When Wesley called it reminded him too painfully of all the
mistakes he had made. When Cordelia had left Sunnydale, they had all
thought she was off to become famous, when they found out she was
working for Angel, they had all tried to keep in touch. But as things
progressed, Giles had less and less time for the ones who had left.
The ones who stayed behind in Sunnydale needed him more, and although
he had come to love Cordelia as a daughter, he forgot about her. It
was sad to say but he just didn't have the time, and he knew that she
hadn't had the time either. The last time he saw her was when he made
a stop in L.A. before going to Sunnydale, she had looked beautiful
and she had finally grown up. She was no longer a snob, she was doing
something that meant something to her and a lot of people would never
recognize it. They had shared a cup of tea before he had gotten what
he wanted from Wesley and had left. She had been radiant, and he had
missed her. But upon his return to Sunnydale, the other members of
his surrogate family had needed him so much more, especially with the
whole problem of Glory on their hands. And once again he had lost
touch with her.
He was lonely now, he had lost his chance of having children
with a woman he had loved, and his surrogate family had all moved on.
Oh he knew that they all loved him like a father, but like children
they had all grown up and no longer needed him. And it was not only a
mental distance that seperated him from them but a physical distance,
after their last days in Sunnydale, they had all needed to be apart.
But now he was alone and he didn't know who to call first. He didn't
even know if he could call them up and tell them that they had lost
someone else along the way. Was it really worth saving the world,
when you had to lose so many people to early deaths? Or to end up all
alone? He knew that the chances of Xander, Willow, or even Buffy
finding happiness would be slim, that eventually death and their
callings would cause them to be alone. The only two he actually
thought might have a chance were Faith and Robin, but even then death
would come for one of them, if not both of them before one knew it.
Giles threw his glass against the wall and listened as it
broke into a hundred little pieces. He was angry and lonely, none of
the children should die before he did. Yet, he had lost Buffy twice,
he had lost Tara, and he felt that he had failed Cordelia. Perhaps if
he had kept in touch with her, he could have prevented the events
that had happened to her before her coma. But he knew deep in his
heart, it wouldn't have mattered because he was to busy keeping
Willow, Buffy, Xander and the rest alive. He knew deep in his heart
that if he kept this up, he would be opening himself for attack from
the darkness. But he couldn't help it. He had loved them and he had
failed them. And when would his failings stop? He sat at the kitchen
table and cried as the sun slowly rose over London. He never even
heard the door open when Andrew came into his apartment to find out
more about being a Watcher.
"Mr. Giles?" Andrew asked in worry, when he saw Giles and the mess in
the kitchen.
"Hello Andrew." Giles said tiredly.
"What happened?" Andrew asked as he went for the broom to clean up
the broken glass.
"I had an arguement with the glass and it lost." Giles said without
humour in his voice.
"Bad news?"
"You could say that."
"Maybe I should come back later?"
"No, let me get dressed. Your lessons need to continue, you're quite
behind the others when it comes to being a Watcher." Giles headed for
his bedroom, a great loneliness weighed upon him. He couldn't fail
yet another member of his surrogate family. He made one last wish
that he had been able to prevent Cordelia from leaving Sunnydale,
maybe if she had stayed she would have lived. But then he saw the
picture of Anya and Xander on his dresser in his room, and knew that
there were no guarantees in life when one became a champion. And
Cordelia had become a champion, she had fought the good fight, and
helped Angel to get back on track.

End